Maritime Finds

David and I just returned from a week in the Maritimes (east coast of Canada, where my parents have always resided), where we attended the burial of my father.  He died in March, but there was a lot of snow at the time, so they bury the dead in the spring instead (caskets are stored in a cold vault in the meantime) once the snow is gone and the ground is thawed out.  

The burial service was lovely and hard at the same time, but begins to provide some closure. 

My mother selected a lovely burial plot high on a hill, adjacent to a white fence in a cemetery near her home.  It is a very idyllic and would have made Dad very happy as it sits high on a hill not far from a river in which he loved to fish.  Mom and I also went shopping for headstones and purchased a lovely, classic one which will be used for her and Dad.  Death is a very strange thing, and the exercise of burying a loved one and buying a headstone is both a sombre and strangely humourous affair.  We shall all end up in the same place after all, and I can only hope I am so lovingly discharged from the planet as Dad was. 

After we bought the headstone (which cost a small fortune, by the way), we wandered over to a great little antique shop in Fredericton, called Old Tyme Antiques & Collectibles (on Main Street, north side).  I loved puttering around in there and chatting with the sweet shopkeeper, a lovely and witty man from the french east coast of New Brunswick.

I spied lots of treasures, but finally decided on this old hand-painted photograph from the 1920's, which depicts a light house in Maine (we reckon, as the inscription reads "Portland Head Light" by a photographer called Burrowes).

We also found a more recent (1940's) hand-painted photograph of Castle Mountain, in the Canadian Rockies, which is about 1 hour from our home in Calgary.  So we had to bring that home to its rightful region of Canada!  

While we were "home", David and I did a couple of drives around the nearby countryside, as I like to play tour guide.  Here are a couple of pretty shots from the South Road, a pretty country road in my town.  All the crabapple trees were in bloom. 

Besides the little barn tour, we also did a cemetery tour of some of the older sites in town.  I was delighted to see great swaths of pretty violets (New Brunswick's provincial flower) in one of the old burial gronds:

We also went out picking fiddleheads along the river in front of my mother's house, here:

Fiddleheads grown best in riparian (river's edge) areas that are flood plains and a little marshy.  This patch had been already picked over (they are cut off the plant just as they emerge from the ground before becoming a full-size fern, the Ostrich Fern) but we found new shoots coming up each day:

Across the river is a beautiful rock wall:

Oh, and I didn't mention that whilst fiddleheading, I sprained my ankle badly (a second degree sprain, meaning I ripped the heck out of my ligaments) early in the week. After lots of ice, and an x-ray, I had to hobble around on crutches in an air brace for the rest of the week.  I am still in a Tensor bandage and have been icing as its still swollen and bruised.  P.S. I got a lot of sympathy with my crutches, so I highly recommend them if you are feeling blue and want some attention...

And last but not least, we also managed to get some lobster after a short drive to the coast.  The lobster in the foreground was mine - look at his big claw!  David had to crack it for me!  Sorry I didn't spend much time styling the photo - my butter was getting cold!

Also on the cemetery tour, I came across the grave of one of my great-grandfathers and snapped this shot:My home town is full of churches of all denominations but here is one of my favorites, the United Church in a nearby town on a stormy evening: 

After that totally mad week, which was full of ups and downs, I am ready for a break before heading back to work Monday.  In fact, I could use a week off after my week off.  But I don't think I will get one. Besides house work, I have to plant my annuals tomorrow... if my busted ankle holds up. 

And we have to find a spot for our new rose bush, shown here inside our potting shed:

It has the prettiest big pink roses with a gentle, sweet scent, but I know nothing about keeping roses.  Any tips (besides water and sunlight)?  It is hardy to Zone 3, so should survive our miserable winters.  

Hope you have enjoyed your visit.  Sorry I am not posting much...have been much too busy with work, my new book club, gardening, investments, and trying to do some career development. I do hope to take on a number of decorating projects this summer, so stay tuned...

This!

I finally found the headboard I want for my spare room!  I forgot that I had seen the perfect headboard in Paris! 

This gracious beauty was for sale at Blanc d'Ivoire's shop in Printemps. It was even the perfect height for my location.  And now I recall why I didn't buy it - they don't ship to Canada and it was about 800 Euros, which is a little over my budget for a simple headboard.  But oh, how I lingered over it.  I snapped this shot for you, dear readers (the saleslady was rather cross with me).

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Tonight I found this beauty at OKA design, another favorite shop over the pond.  They probably would ship to Canada but it's also rather dear (almost 1000 pounds!).

Oh, and just in case you're wondering, that Ethan Allen bed was CAN$2800 (about $2400 US).  Can you believe it?  I mean seriously, it's probably machine made in China.  I shall have to investigate further and find out - perhaps it is made slowly and surely by skilled craftsmen and would be worth the cost, but I doubt it.  

Which brings me back to the upholstered bed frame.

I still cannot find one ready-to-buy in the height I require.  I am now considering having one custom-made, like this beauty, also from OKA.  Several shops in town will make simple upholstered headboards, saving one tedious hours of DIY (no, it is not so easy - I know a designer who spent 6 hours making one, not to mention the time to get the rental saw from Home Depot, the wood, the fabric, etc. when you don't have a live-in carpenter/seamstress).  I would rather pay someone $700 (the going rate) and get a perfect custom job with a removable slip I can launder.

But I am still on the fence.  I have living room furniture in need of TLC (an upholstery job, a slipcover job), and we need a new furnace.  And I want a new digital camera.  Ah...the joys of slow decor indeed.  

Happy hunting to you too.

How Much is that Flower in the Window?

Spring takes forever here in the Canadian desert, in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains.  We are in a Zone 3b after all.  But I guess it could be worse...it could be the Yukon.  I thought I would show you my darling and tenacious double-flowering plum, the magnificent shrub which sits outside our living room window.

The sweet and sad part is...the only branch that has begun to flower is the one sitting up against the window (which is warm, I suppose). Poor little dear.  The rest of the plant has barely got its little buds (see branches in the background).

It is so lovely sitting inside the house, seeing this gorgeous pink confection of flowers pressed up against the window while the rest of Spring seems so far behind.  The grass is greening up and shoots are appearing in the garden, but this is the first true flower in our yard.  Neighbours have daffodils and tulips now too.

Soon I will have lilacs!  Oh, how I hate being so far behind in the garden...

On another note, I checked out all the beds at Ikea and they were a sorry lot indeed.  All flimsy and ugly.  I did find this Gustavian-style bed at Ethan Allen, but it exceeds my current budget.  Isn't it pretty?

I really like a high quality bed frame.  After owning an expensive bed frame (the Mission one in our master bedroom, which was hand-built by a craftsman in Ontario), it is hard to go to a cheap, flimsy frame.  Also, I much prefer a whole bed frame to a headboard, but may end up going the headboard route for affordability.  We shall see.  

I guess like the wonderful Slow Food movement, I should embrace Slow Decorating, as it seems to be the story of my life here in the Land of No Decorating Choices.

Have a great week and enjoy your flowers!

xo Terri

Spare Bedroom ~ Inspiration Found!

Thank heaven Spring is here to cheer me up with its bright, long days and budding green-ness.  I really needed a pick-me-up and the weather (and gardening season) is lifting my spirits.

In typical Spring fashion, decorating dreams begin to unfurl and the list of projects grows in my head.  The room that's been on my "to do" list is our downstairs spare bedroom.  I will post photos soon, but suffice it to say this is a favorite room, very small and cozy (10'x10'), with tall built-in bookcases, a big shaded window and a large closet.  It's very cool in summer for sleeping and we've actually grown accustomed to sleeping here more and more of the year!  There is something charming about a small, breezy room.

The room is very plain Jane right now and really needs some decor-love.

So in an effort to kick-start the process, I've compiled a few of my recent favorite inspiration photos here.  

If you've visited me before, you know I'm a fan of graceful, cool neutrals and soft grey blues.  I want this room to evoke one word:  SERENITY

  

I love the neutral walls above, but I'm considering painting the room blue (Farrow & Ball's Skylight) and using all white, cream and taupe accents.  If you recall, I bought a splendid Laura Ashley quilt (below) in Paris last Fall, as well as the little pillow at BHV in Paris.  I would like to use them both:

I also love the tranquil colours in the photo below.  The wall colour is Farrow & Ball's Pavilion Gray, which is a little too somber for me.  But I love the room's tranquility and many of the details, including the blue-gray roman shade with the striped trim:

In the furniture department, I'd love an upholstered headboard, but cannot find one that meets my specifications.  And I'd prefer to orient the bed under the window anyway, which leaves me restricted on headboard height (43").  After an exhausting search, I found this modest bed from Ikea (Vanvik), which has a low headboard and is very cost-conscious.  I plan to go see it tomorrow and pray it's suitable.

Ikea also has a Hemnes four-poster bed that caught my eye.  It does not appear to be available in white, so would require a paint job.  I don't know if the room's proportions would accomodate a four-poster, but it might enhance the nest-like quality, don't you think?  I love the idea of draping pretty fabric over the top, like this:  

Or even better...this pretty floral fabric:

The room has built-in bookshelves across one entire wall.  I would love to paint the interior a contrasting colour (perhaps white) and have been considering wallpapering the back wall of the bookcases.  But since it is built-in, it would be a sheer torture to cut and wallpaper all 24 cubbies.  If you've ever painted a bookcase, you'll know that painting the 24 shelves/cubbies will be bad enough!  But wouldn't this pretty damask paper look nice in the room?  

Perhaps I will just have to do a single panel to hang somewhere (not that I can afford F&B wallpaper, which requires a minimum two-roll purchase at the one available dealer in Calgary).

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Besides damask, I also really love this striped fabric from the beautiful and gracious Windsor Smith. She has a gorgeous, sophisticated fabric line, and I like the versatility of this stripe, perhaps for a roman blind:

Or maybe I could paint stripes on the back wall of my bookshelves?  Ah...I can see there is a lotta, lotta work to do!

Here is a Parisien inspiration room with peaceful colours, published by My Notting Hill:

I also love the photo below (the romance, the colours), but can't see myself under a gauzy coronet every night.  Perhaps in my dreams....

I will post photos of the room when I get ready to paint in a couple of weeks.  In the meantime, I am busy pondering the infinite variations on my theme.

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Photo credits: 1.David Oliver   2.UK Homes & Gardens   3.Our house   4.Eric Piasecki photographer

  5. Ikea   6&7 Living Etc.  8.Farrow & Ball website   9.Windsor Smith Home   10. My Notting Hill photo   11. Unknown UK magazine

~ out of focus ~

I feel madly out of focus these days and can't get my bearings.  I suppose this is normal when a couple of bombs go off in the middle of your life (a death, a transfer to a new job).

I am developing a garden obsession...

But I can't seem to get my head around this new reality. Things that meant a lot to me before (like decorating) seem suddenly meaningless.  I still adore the idea and the images of beautiful spaces, but the spark has gone out.  I look at the rooms and it's like two heads looking:  one is the old head that loved these rooms and the other head is new and declares everything pointless.  

I think that my senses are so dull that I'm looking for images I've never seen before, or a perspective that is crisp and fresh and new.  I can't even describe it, the decorating drug I seem to need.  When I hear Lauren (beautiful, deeply talented and passionate Lauren at Pure Style Home) talk about planning to decorate her new home and see all her passion and beautiful creativity, it makes me totally excited for a change!  Not when I see a horribly ubiquitous poster (Keep Calm...) in a magazine (maybe I am just anti-establishment all of a sudden?)  Or when I see a Domino photo I missed, it reminds me how fresh it all can be. But most of it just seems like a big pile of steaming sameness.  I know this is a rut and I apologize to anyone I've offended.  This is a spiritual rut masquerading as a decorating one.

Or maybe I have tipped from addict to decor junkie, seeking harder and harder drugs to satisfy my (increasingly) dull mind?

Anyway, besides this decorating numbness, I have developed a strange interest in new things (heaven forbid!).  Yoga, for example.  I know yoga is cliche, and I have explored it several times over the years, but in January I found a wonderful teacher whose style just resonates with me.  After 3 months of practice, I am starting to feel alive in my body again.  There is some type of journey starting, and I find myself feeling like yoga can provide some answers to rather deep-seated questions - I just feel so desperately hungry for something that it appears to satisfy.  But I think maybe it's just that the practice takes me out of my mind (my busy, busy mind) and gives me some much-needed mental rest.  I am doing two sessions a week and want more.  And I am reading yoga blogs.  God help me.

And besides yoga, I can't seem to get enough flowers.  It is like an eternal Valentine's parade in my head. I am obsessively planning my summer garden in my head.  It is still chilly here and about 3-4 weeks from planting time, but I already drive by the garden center wistfully.  It's like I am craving visual stimuli, and some kind of weird organic connection, to make me come alive again.  All day today I pondered whether a bed of herbs or Swiss chard would be better in a certain spot.  I mean...REALLY.  What happened to paint colours and fabric samples?  I still love them, but I am hungry for more. And reading...I have about 5 books on the go.  I am like a creative-consumption machine.  I have been thinking about starting painting (canvasses, not walls).

What's wrong with me?  Maybe it is just Spring...and my body's way of healing itself by connecting with the earth, with deeper meaning, with life itself.

Thoughts?

A Living Room Update

Hello Dear Readers,

I have not been up to posting much lately, with the recent death of my father.  But I wanted to thank each of you all for your generous and kind comments.  They really brightened my days and lifted my spirits and I have read them over and over again.  I thank you deeply.

I am terribly behind on blog reading and haven't felt much like posting.  To be honest, I don't feel interested in much right now, which I think is pretty normal...a death puts things into perspective and makes a lot of life feel suddenly meaningless.  I have simultaneously started a new (and challenging) job and feel wholly overwhelmed.  It is stressful having two big life changes happening at once.  I really think one should be permitted two months off work when a loved one dies.  It is so hard to find normal again...

I've decided that I might take the summer off from blogging, but need to give it more thought as I do love to write and share my thoughts.

In the meantime, today I noticed that I suddenly felt interested in decorating again, so decided I would post a brief about our new coffee table.

It arrived right in the middle of the recent chaos - we had ordered it several weeks ago.  Initially I didn't care for it, but have slowly acquired a real taste for it.  It is light and airy and brings plenty of light into the room with the mirrored shelf (which was the point!):

The table is from McArthur, one of the loveliest furniture stores in Calgary, and was produced by Drexel Heritage.  The style is called Parisian which I liked because it has a certain European old world je ne sais quoi!

I would have preferred a nickel table, as I'm striving for a silver theme, but got fed up searching.  I like that this has an antique look, and the circular motifs are consistent with the curved motif on our existing Queen Anne furniture (not shown).  The top is bevelled glass and there is an antiqued mirrored shelf below.

(I only showed this angle as the rest of the room was full of clutter!)

I bought a forsythia branch a few days ago (on the console table) and love how the yellow brightens the room.  David's grandmother gave me the potted mums, which were happily yellow too!  Yellow is one of the "in" colours of the season...it is not a colour I ever consider but I actually love it here as an accent. I didn't notice the rug has some golden yellow in it until I brought in the forsythia!

Happy week!

R E T U R N

Hello all,

I have returned from the Maritimes where I spent the past 3 weeks with my family.  Sadly, my father passed away on March 20th at 9:55 am.  My mother and I were by his side, along with some other family.  

I arrived home at 6:30pm on Wednesday and he died about 40 hours later on Friday morning.  When I arrived on Wednesday he was awake but not talking and they were giving him morphine.  He knew me when I came in the room and followed me with his eyes.  We sat vigil by his bedside for most of the next 40 hours, my mother and I and the extended family.  It is hard watching someone die.  He never said anything more and just looked around.  His neurological disease prevented him from moving any more but he could still grasp our hands and raise his eyebrows.  On Thursday he smiled at one of his good friends.

He suffered from a cerebellar disorder called olivopontocerebellar atrophy, which destroys the cerebellum.  He was diagnosed in 1993 at the age of 43.  He died 16 years later at the age of 58 (yes, my parents are very young - my mother was 18 when I was born!).

Over the years, he lost his balance first, and went from cane to walker to wheelchair.  He lost fine motor skills and developed slurred and scanning speech.  Later, he developed incontinence and tremors in the arms and then swallowing difficulties.  For the past 18 months he has been in a nursing home since he required full-time care and could no longer walk, bathe himself, or get into and out of bed.  He was unable to move in bed and could not even adjust his pillow.  The disease destroyed the ability to coordinate movement and the most he could do was reach for things and really not feed himself very well.  

In the last few years, he also had frontal lobe issues accompanying the cerebellar disorder, so he suffered from anger and disinhibition at times.  Medications helped control his moods and minimize outbursts.  In the last week of his life, he still knew Mom but would no longer eat. He always ate for Mom, if not the staff, but in the end, he would not even eat for her.  His last full meal was about 10 days before his death, which Mom fed to him.

This was a horrible disease, but he persisted to go-go-go and never gave up.  He was always positive and never languished in self-pity.  But in the last few months, Mom could see that he had lost his will to live.  We were just thankful that he did not lose his ability to swallow sooner as it would have meant years on a feeding tube, as the disease progressed and made him into a frozen body.  Instead, he just stopped eating while he still had some movement.  He stopped talking and in the last week seemed to shut down and begin to die.

Dad was a real character.  We had a very tumultuous life as he was an alcoholic with a bad temper. But he was also a very peaceful, happy person at times.  He was good-natured with many people and would give you the shirt off his back.  He was a very hard worker and devoted to his career and hobbies (salmon fishing mostly, and cheering for the Toronto Maple Leafs).   He was a big supporter of me and always was very proud of me.  I got a strong work ethic from him and also a lot of humility.  Dad was very happy with life and enjoyed living and did not seem to want for much.  He was always happy with their house in the country and all they had and never seemed to want for anything.

In the last few years, as primary caregiver, my mother and he mended a lot of their earlier struggles and became good friends.  My mother talks about the gift of illness, as it gave her an opportunity to have a new, loving relationship with my father that he had made difficult before.

He was a complicated person, and our relationships with him were complicated.  I think it is often the case with an alcoholic parent.  You love them and you hate them, and you see a side of them that others do not see.  I have many fond memories and also many terrible ones.  My heart pains because of the way he died, and because of what could have been, and because of all the goodness he possessed too.  Dad loved to cook Sunday breakfast, fish salmon, work in the yard, watch hockey, and be outside.  He was always tanned by May.  He loved his chainsaw and the simple country life.  He helped Mom make preserves and didn't mind helping around the house.  Despite everything, he had many wonderful qualities and a great sense of humour.  We were very close when I was a child and I followed him everywhere.

I will miss him terribly.  It is still a shock.  It is so strange to watch a death.  One wonders what is really on the other side.  In the last moments of his life, he looked away from us and towards the ceiling and seemed suddenly to become very peaceful.  We asked him what he saw on the other side, we asked him if he saw his mother and father and brothers who had passed.  I believe he did.  I hope he is with them now in heaven.

And I also hope that my mother can heal and enjoy her life now.  She has worked full-time and been sole caregiver for him for 16 years.  In the last two years, she was at the nursing home several times a week and put her own life on hold for far too long.  She was totally devoted to his care and advocacy.  Caregiving is selfless and exhausting.  I am so thankful she was there to give him a dignified life and death, to be his supporter in sickness and in health.  She went far beyond the call of duty and is a wonderful, compassionate, and caring woman.  She is a saint in my book.  I only hope we all have such a blessed companion in our final days.

I think Mom is a bit lost now, and is struggling with her identity, as she is no longer needed full-time to care for another.  I pray she will find peace and take back her life and enjoy what comes to her.  I hope she is surrounded by beauty and peace and love forever.  She has earned it.

I think both she and Dad were given the gift of each other.  I was given the same gift.  Sometimes I am not clear on the reasons, but know that my life has been very rich indeed.

AWAY

I will be away from my blog for a few weeks.  My father has not been well and has been in a nursing home the past year. He has a degenerative neurological condition.  Things have worsened over the past week and he has been hospitalized. He is not eating or drinking and is not very responsive.  

The doctors have decided to see what the next few days bring, but the family has been called in.  We are hoping for a miracle, but it will only prolong his 16 years of suffering.  I hope he will rally and be well again, but I am not too optimistic.  His condition has been so poor for so long. He has been so stubborn and fought so long and never gave up. Now it seems he is beginning to succumb.

I have booked a one-way ticket home, leaving Calgary in 7 hours from now. I am packed and ready for a short sleep.  I will be back when things are settled again.  I think it will be very different then.  I hope I can come back and he will still be there.  But I am afraid that this may be our last few days together.

It is unbelievable.  After such a long, slow illness, you forget that an end may come sooner than you think.

Hug your loved ones.  Take pictures of them.  Tell them you love them.  Make memories.  Do wonderful things together, but mostly just be with them. There is so little time here.

Upholstering Dilemma

This chair will be re-upholstered very soon.  I got a fair quote from a wonderful shop in our neighborhood (of course, the cost will vary slightly depending on the fabric selected!).

The chair was my first proper furniture acquisition.  I bought it at a consignment shop when I was 19, in second-year university (of course I had Ikea before that!)  So the chair has been with me 20 years, but is in dire need of some TLC.  

I'm conflicted about what colour to choose.  I always liked the grey-ish look, but it's a little drab.

Here are some photos of our living room, which is undergoing gradual change.  The rug and drapes (ivory silk) will remain. The rug is light and dark brown with ivory, rose, and slate blue.  There is also some burgundy, gold and purple!  

I have a sage green sofa and chair which I dislike, but they'll be here a while.  I plan to replace them within the next 2-3 years for something off-white and a little more elegant.  The stereo will be moved and the mirror hung above the console table.

We also have a beautiful new coffee table on order.  It's metal and glass and is quite traditional.  There is a small rose chair in the other corner of the room, which will be slip-covered off white.

Any suggestions for a new colour and fabric for my chair?

I have three colour ideas but will post them later in the week after I hear your suggestions!

Any ideas?

A Reader's Room

After my post on the grounding influence of browns in light, airy rooms, a Windlost reader (Maryanne, who posts as Mimi) sent me these photos of her gorgeous living room.  The first photo was taken a year ago, while the second is earlier this month.

In the first photo she notes that her coffee table is topped with glass, whereas in the second, she's replaced the glass with brown barn wood as a topper.  I love the grounding effect on her room!  She also added a pillow with black details to her sofa, which picks up the dark wood perfectly!Besides the coffee table, Maryanne made lots of changes to this gorgeous room and it was fun to study the photos to find them all.  She now has a heavenly, delicate chandelier replacing the light fixture and has placed a gorgeous old-world mirror over her sofa.  I meant to ask her where the mirror is from, but forgot.  She also switched her candle sconces to a pretty old-fashioned pair.

I love all the touches in this room, including her unique lamps flanking the sofa (the same in each photo).  The coffee table is too-die-for!  I also adore her regal tufted sofa and the beautiful French bergere (armchair) you can see in the second photo.  I was surprised to learn that it came from Ethan Allen!

I also like the little flying cherub that sits to the left of the sofa in the first photo.  You can see him reflected in the mirror of the second photo - he now sits atop a table near the front entrance, greeting guests.

I admire Maryanne's living room because it's light and airy but has a balancing mix of dark elements.  And although there are many feminine, romantic lines, there are also some grounding masculine touches, like the dark barn wood topper, her darker end tables, and the square lines of the mirror.  I think she has found the perfect balance.  She also has beautiful things, so it's hard not to love them all!

Hope you've enjoyed your visit to Maryanne's home.  I know I have!  And I've asked her to send me more photos... 

March 11th: A New Job & My Birthday!

So, tomorrow is a very big day.

In the previous post, I alluded to big changes in my life. The biggest one is a new job that I've been offered at my company. The second big news is my birthday, which has caused me a lot of reflection. I've been thinking about what I have achieved and where I "should be" in my life. And my advice is to not think about these things as they will take you to the verge of a nervous breakdown!

But seriously...I have been thinking a lot about who I really want to be and how I can achieve my dreams, and why I haven't achieved certain things so far. I am still in my 30's but as each birthday looms, it seems the future is coming way too fast.

But back to the job front. I was not asked if I wanted this job - I was told that I was being moved due to the economy. I work in a corporate engineering function and there is simply not enough work to keep us all busy. My boss has been scrambling to find work for various people around the organization and found me a position at our research center. He is so excited about this job, but I'm terrified!

I will be moving from our downtown office to a big university-like research center north of the city. I love our research center, as it's filled with all sorts of big brains and fascinating characters and academic people. There are chemists and scientists of every stripe and practically everyone has a Ph.D. It is a wonderfully creative and challenging environment. Lots of people there are into hiking and glacier climbing and outdoorsy pursuits and organic/local eating and have various other cool hobbies, like running marathons and making movies. Many of these people have invented things and have patents (there is a whole long wall of patent certificates there!) and are renowned experts in various fields. For some reason, these academic environments are always filled with successful, fun, wacky people. Our research center is full of characters and people who care less about how you look/dress (judging by how most of them look/dress) and more about what you are DOING with your life and where your passions are. They are a very grounded community, for the most part!

I will be doing technology transfer work and more coordinating and managing than I do now. I will be responsible for getting research done for our engineers and for getting engineering done for our researchers. Science and engineering will come together through my role. It is an awesome job, just terrifying.

Right now, I am more of a detailed technical person. I do hard-core engineering every day, lots of calculations and looking at data and working alone. But my new role will mean I have a lot more meetings, deal with a lot of people, and will be coordinating more. I will be doing more "idea generation" and big-picture thinking, which I really hate. I am not a "pie in the sky" person and like concrete, detailed work. But I will adapt and grow these skills. I will sink or swim. I'm excited about the new role, but scared to death I will not have the skills to do it. It isn't my cup of tea. But it is also full of potential and in a really neat environment. So we shall see...I am giving it a chance, and in this economy, there isn't much choice.

The new job will mean the same pay, but the bonus is that I will get a better office! Our research center has great offices! Large, quiet, huge windows...

But I will have to drive the highway to work every day, about 30-45 minutes each way, depending on traffic. It will be similar to my current commute time (on the train). I really hate driving to work, for various reasons. And the highway in winter gets some wretched, icy days. But like any good Canadian driver, I will adapt. I will just be paying a lot more for gas, as my car sits in the garage every day now. And I can listen to the radio, but I won't get as much reading done, which is why I prefer the train.

I am sure it will all work out. I'm both excited and sick with worry. But I fully intend to ask a million stupid questions and try my best. I am also going to switch over to a longer work day schedule, so I can have every second Friday off.

In the meantime, tomorrow is my BIRTHDAY too!

I love birthdays, even if it means getting older. After all, I seem to be improving with age. And there is always the alternative, as my Mom says.

David and I are going for lunch at a beautiful downtown restaurant, and this coming weekend we will go to his Mom's house in the country. I'm thrilled for my big day, but I'm also reflecting on where I want to go with my life and how to get there. I have had a lot of career dissatisfaction in the last while and I often find myself wishing I had done other things. It is hard to redress these mistakes, especially when we are face-to-face with deciding whether to have children or not. Lately, I have been feeling so rushed to fix my career but also decide about a family. Suddenly, it's all come down to a crunch!

And I think a lot about retirement, about having enough money, about investment decisions. I do not leave things to chance generally, so I want a firmer plan now. So it seems like a lot of things hinge on this year - to get my career in order, to decide on family, to make bigger financial plans.

I would rather just think about decorating, but for the last few months I have been engrossed in worry and insecurity. I am sure the future will be bright, but I really want to spend more time setting goals in the future and less time drifting in the wind. Sometimes it is good to drift in the wind and settle for what life brings, but I am tired of that and don't want to get down any wrong paths and find myself lost again. I know I can't control everything. Life brings unexpected things - death, illness, sick children, fires, crises of various kinds. But I think a wise person plans for these things (financially, building a community, etc) so this year I plan to invest more in my career (I would like to get a coach eventually), in my financial future (we save a lot but need some new advisors!), in our family (whether that means a baby, or a dog, or both?), and in my community (finding more friends).

Pray for me and wish me the best as my big new year begins!

xo Terri

Changes!

Clock wall:  A fun photo I took at the Conran shop in Paris

I have two big events happening this week.  Neither is within my control.  One is definitely cause to celebrate (and also time to reflect), while the other is a little unnerving.  I think the latter might also be cause to celebrate, but right now it doesn't feel that way at all.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster all weekend and a physical one too, because my back is out.  I have a very bad and high-maintenance back.  I had a great yoga class Saturday which turned into terrible pain by evening because it aggravated an SI joint problem I've been having.  And my beloved chiropractor is in Japan until next week!  Today I was barely able to walk and laid most of the day on ice packs.  My whole back is seized and I'm having a blistering headache to go with it. Back episodes often flare up my headaches.

What a joyful way to start my big week.  Not.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about both events that are occuring this week.  It's funny how life changes.  Time keeps ticking by, and life passes whether you are ready or not, or whether you achieve what you set out to.  Sometimes (a lot of times) things happen to us that are beyond our control and we are supposed to roll with it.  Often, that sucks.  Sometimes these experiences make us grow, and other times, they make us fail and falter and want to hide in our beds.  Often lately, I want to hide in my bed.  

I know exactly who I am, but somehow I am unsure how to actualize all that I want in life.  I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and no matter what Oprah preaches, fulfilling yourself is a damn sight harder than it looks.

I will fill you in Tuesday on the first big change....

New Decorating Crush: Brown!

The other day, I posted about this new brown lampshade:  

When I came home with it, I couldn't figure out how my usual overpowering need for white and otherwise light, airy colours was displaced by the need for something...brown.  

Brown, after all, is not my favorite colour.  And moreover, since it's spring (well, not in Canada anyway), you'd think I would have yellow or pink on my mind instead of dusty old brown.  But somehow, brown had worked its ubiquitous brown self into my head and I was seeing it everywhere!

If you asked me two weeks ago, I would have said that yes, I like brown, but in the form of pale linen browns, milky cafe au lait browns and dark brown furniture.  Period.  And other than those light shades, it would not have figured in my decor.

So I came home and looked through my files and realized that I had quietly developed a brown fixation in the last two weeks while looking at the rooms of James Michael Howard (see my previous post here).  His rooms feature some very serious browns (usually combined with white or light-coloured rooms), and I had fallen for this image specifically, with its elegant brown and white platters:

And then there was the brown and cream rug in this photo (below), which caught my eye for its elegant pattern and perfect brown-ness (I like these medium browns best).  And it looks so great with all the blue and white (my two favorite colours) and really grounds all that airiness. 

Then, there was the simple photo (below) that Catherine posted on her beautiful blog Simply Natural a short while ago.  I saved this picture and clearly the decorating part of my brain processed this image while the rest of me was asleep, because I did not consciously notice this brown lampshade until tonight!  I had liked the image simply because it reminded me of the colouring of Jim Howard's rooms and possessed the same quiet grace and inviting quality.

Photo:  Australian Home Beautiful

Then today at the office, I started daydreaming about the exquisite Gien earthenware I'd seen at Printemps in Paris (and have regretted not buying ever since).  I fell in love with the country images and the pretty browns and whites.  From their website, it appears they deliver!  I was mad about the tureen but cannot justify the price! 

And then I went through my files and found many brown and white rooms, proving that my unconscious mind has been way ahead of me for a while.  

The following two photos are from House to Home:  

I now notice the brown and white pillows but saved the photo originally for the linen curtains, white walls, and rustic styling!

Then this week Michele at My Notting Hill posted some exquisite photos of a Paris apartment (from this site) and I was smitten with the brown and white pillows on the bed (below).  These gentle brown and white pillows, combined with the white walls and blue bed are heavenly!

I think the combination of brown and white is the best way to use brown...

And here is another brown and white room, in a photo from OKA Direct, who have stunning rooms in their catalogue:
And then there are these two wonderful sofas from Restoration Hardware.  Note the conspicuously brown colour that my all-white-obsessed brain had deceptively admired.

Another perfect example of brown and white together, in this Shoot Factory picture:

The Lesson:

I've realized that not everything in a light and airy room needs to be light-coloured. Dark colours like brown, when used as accents, help to ground the rooms and actually highlight the light colours.  I can't believe it took me this long to learn this simple and obvious lesson!  I won't be painting my walls brown any time soon, but you can be sure I'll be bringing a few more brown accessories into my home!

I guess the Buddhists are right when they say that happiness (or is that enlightenment?) lies within.  All you need to do is pay attention.  The browns were there all along - I just wasn't seeing them with my heart. 

 ******

And if you still need proof, this room from Traditional Home proves that brown can be very, very sophisticated, especially when paired with the finest creams and white!

The Lucite bandwagon

It takes me a while to come 'round to a trend.   I'm not exactly an edgy decorator, mostly because I prefer historical, classic looks - lots of white and ivory, antiques, and old-fashioned objects and art. 

Which brings me to Lucite!  I've admired Lucite lamps for a while and finally jumped on the bandwagon (rather late, I'm afraid).  But it occured to me that this look is pretty classic, and if you choose the right style, it doesn't look too trendy.  

I found this beautiful (affordable) lamp yesterday at Home Sense and put it on my living room console table, along with a large mirror I've had for a while.  The mirror is leaning now, but will eventually be hung!

The lamp arrived with a white shade, which I switched to a chocolate brown shade instead.  I knew the brown would help ground my composition, which is rather light with its shiny, mirrored, and silver elements. 

For your edification, Lucite is a trade name for a plastic called polymethylmethacrylate (PMMA), which is the same material used in Plexiglas (also a trade name).  PMMA is an acrylic plastic (there are many different acrylics).  It is a hard, tough plastic known for its excellent clarity (it replaces glass), but it does scratch easily.

P.S.  Did you forget I have a masters degree in polymers and plastics?

While I was shopping, I also picked up frames for three antique etchings I bought at the Paris flea market (St-Ouen).  The etchings were purchased from a veritable art dealer and were not cheap.  They date to the late 1800's and the paper is very fragile.  I plan to have them professionally framed (archival mats and UV glass) when my favorite frame shop has its annual sale.

The first picture shows a palace celebration while the second shows La Bourse, the stock market building in Paris, which has classical Greek architecture.  The third etching (a vertical) is not shown.

The two photos below show the lamp with its original white shade.

I don't mind the white shade but prefer a slightly rounder shape.  What do you think?

Below is another etching in my small collection.  I threw this photo in because it's one of my favorite things and was the inspiration for the other purchases. 

It shows a lady and a suitor and says "A Bientot" ('til we meet again).   

I had it professionally framed, which cost a lot more than the actual etching, which I found in a junk/antique shop in a big pile on the floor!  I rescued it for $10 and regret that I didn't buy more, as it cleaned up very well.  It hangs in our front entrance.