Friday, November 24, 2006

Just One of Those Days

Today, Friday, has turned out to be one of those days. One of those days when I hate my life and want to run screaming into the hills.

Well, I don't hate my life exactly. I hate my job. Exactly. It is just boring and tedious and all I do is look forward to reading the Globe & Mail at lunchtime for half an hour. Or my novel. David isn't at work today, so I can't even send him a one-liner email and wait for a reply.

In fact, he isn't at work today and didn't even bother to CALL ME during his day off, in which he is running errands and supposed to be working on his packing. But I know he isn't. So he hasn't even called me. But I can't be mad at him because maybe he's out shopping for my Christmas present, and then I would feel really crummy.

So work is boring. I build these big computer models for a living. I do many, many other things too, but a lot of it hinges on these elaborate computer models. And the software isn't working. They patched an earlier version of the software and the programmers made some stupid mistake and now my model won't report SOLIDS where there are supposed to be solids. This is very frustrating when trying to model a process in which little solid particles of polyethylene get carried away in water and sloshed around and processed. So I have been calling back and forth, and some guy who barely speaks english is helping me and I am so frustrated. Then, the company emails me a survey, one of those "How did we do?" surveys. And I sent it back and put "Extremely Dissatisfied" in practically every category.

Well, what do you know but one of the programmers from Boston calls me. And spends like 4 days helping me with the problem. Apparently their bonuses depend heavily on good feedback. But then he emails today and says "you know that thing I suggested?" (which I'd just spent several hours setting up with an IT guy), well, "don't do it - it won't work". So all my prep time and running around was wasted.

Now he's trying to get me an advance bootleg copy of the newest version of the software, which comes out in January 2007 (probably more like April), which is called, anachronistically, Version 2006. I should know not to trust a company which can't even name its software right.

So, there's that tedium to deal with. But mostly I do like the computer modeling work. It isn't half as bad as talking to most of my colleagues who give me the heebeegeebees with how boring they are.

ANd then, I went outside at lunchtime and it is like -50C outside, which is -58F for people who don't know (easy conversion: take the Celcius number, multiply by 9/5 then add 32, or conversely, take the Fahrenheit number, subtract 32, and then multiply by 5/9 to get Celcius) It is so bloody cold it feels like The Ice Age Cometh. I guess it is just upsettingly cold because it's the first winter day when it's been this cold. So besides it being wrist-slittingly dark at 5pm every day, it is now FRIGID outside. Really makes life worth living. This is the kind of weather where you hunker down with your TV and a dozen cases of Chef Boyardee and don't come out until May. But after a few weeks of this weather, we hearty Canadians get used to it (ok, not really) and go out and toss around the Nerf football in shirt sleeves at 20 below.

So when I came back inside and defrosted myself, I opened a funny and sad email from my Mom, who said she went for the mail today, a nice little walk, and on her way back to the office took a short cut and fell down in the mud! Poor little Mommy!! Which reminded me of a time that one of my ex-boyfriends was walking down the street in Toronto and a bird pooped on his head. He totally deserved it. However, my Mom did not deserve it!

Oh, and speaking of not deserving things - my darling boyfriend, who hasn't bothered to call me yet today (3:30pm), had his truck stolen a week ago. Right off the street in front of my house. By a couple of joy-riding crackheads. They took it for a spin, went for coffee, had some smokes, and dropped it off at a mall with hardly any gas missing. It was like "we need to go for coffee, dude" and then "okay, let's take this here truck." For their convenience, David is now $1400 poorer, which is what it cost to replace the hotwired ignition. And today, on his day off, he took it in for detailing to get rid of the cigarette smell, which really pissed him off since he is a vehement non-smoker, and so he should be! He didn't deserve that at all. Nope.

It will be nice to move away from my cool, urban, hip, shizznit, downtown, crack-head/crime-infested neighborhood. This time next week, I will live in a neighborhood full of filthy rich upper middle class SUV-driving sweater-set wearing yuppies who will probably want to wife swap and have hot tub parties with us. Help!

And to top off an otherwise wretched week, last night David and I had medical tests with a nurse from an insurance company, where we've signed up for mortgage life insurance. She came over (late!) and took our blood and urine (for drug testing - the dirty insurance bastards), and other invasive information. Besides being the worst nurse ever to take blood (I have a massive red bruise), she also weighed me. Weighed me!! Fully clothed!! And it wasn't a good number. Let's just say, I weigh exactly 12 lbs more than my "I look hot in jeans" weight. Yes, in jeans I now look like a certified fat ass. So, besides having soul-destructing, life-wrecking headaches, I am now officially F A T. Nice. Just what I need. But, today, I managed to console myself by considering the fact that I probably weighed so much last night since I haven't had a good bowel movement in about 10 days. Elavil is very VERY constipating. So, considering I have 15lbs of shizznit inside me...maybe I'm perfect after all! But then, how do you describe the appearance of a (rather cute) little pot belly (I always had flat abs!), and a little floaty life-preserver ring of fat around the top of my butt. And the emergence of cellulite on the front of my thighs, as if the back wasn't enough!!!!!!

Ok, so there were a few catastrophes this week. But really, I have a lot to be thankful for: a gorgeous boyfriend who loves me (even though he doesn't call) and claims I am not fat. A charming posh new house, waiting for me to move in and have a wonderful life! A job that pays 6 figures (the Alberta advantage) for me to blog all afternoon (I make up for it by working at least 50h a week). A wonderful, loving Mom. My Christmas shopping almost done. But why does it feel like it sucks? I think it's the headaches talking. Or the fact that, after 12 months, I recognize and acknowledge that I will have to go to the gym every day for the rest of my sorry, sorry life. Or look like this. Sometimes I just want to be one of those big, fat, happy Costco people who buys the 12 packs of monster muffins. I just want to accept myself as I am. You just get old and die anyway. And you will never look like Meredith Grey, no matter how much you try. And you will never look cute in jeans again. But there are other things to live for - like headaches, and computer problems, and the gym! Hey! And monster muffins!


  1. Anonymous4:32 pm

    I like your blog lots:) I especially the part about the fat Costco people and never ever being able to look like Meredith Grey anyway.

  2. Anonymous8:28 pm

    i agree; it's the headaches talking. i know it makes me somehow less able to deal with life in general. PAIN. :( hope tomorrow is a better day - at least you won't be at work, right? : )

  3. Hang in there! Loved your pottery yesterday and you have made it to the weekend.

  4. Anonymous8:43 am

    Thank you for the great laugh! Not directly at your non-calling boyfriend, OR the fact that some foreign geek can't decide how to do his job right, so inevitably MUST seek out the higher power - WOMAN!! And then there is no credit to gain anyway. Alas, the headaches do make us talk of strange and rambling ways. Hope you poop; then give the nosey insurance "taker" your correct weight, WITH picture of you in your hot jeans. And as far as the burbs are concerned: it's not so bad really. All those SUVs are really just dying to get better gas mileage, while they get noticed in their upscale sweaters, botox and lipid injections anyways. As long as you stay real, you can watch their fake permanent smiles fall when their gas $$ outweighs the Botox! Then, McSteamy and McDreamy will be looking at you in your hot jeans. Man do I have a headache!!!!

  5. Anonymous1:04 pm

    Okay, not to laugh at your pain...but that was a fantasic post!!!! God I love sarcasm. Sometimes it just feels so good. It does make up, just a bit, for all the other crap we must endure.
    You have exceptional talent in this regard.


    I just remembered one time when we were in high school a comment you made about the redundancy of people saying pepsi pop. My father found that hilarious and still laughs about it to this day. You were quite emphatic about it!

  6. Anonymous4:49 pm

    The further one is from their true path, the more blurry and distorted their decision making capabilities. Find out who you are and be your awesome and wonderful self to the best of your ability and put out as much good energy as you can. Free will is the choice each has every moment to decide either to be their awesome and wonderful self or their fragile bag of shit self.
    Learn about balance, control and energy, learning and growing, gathering consciousness, and you will be better at being your awesome and wonderful self.
    My sincerest best thoughts and good energy for health, happiness and harmony to you and yours.
    Sapere aude!
    Rob @
    I was asked to post here by someone who cares. :-) Sending you love and light.

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